Akatsuki R' Us
by elric0sis
Summary: Tobi brings home a mysterious pie one night for everyone to enjoy. Everything was fine until the next day then everythinkg get's a little, kid-like. What trouble does the Akatsuki face now? Rated for language.
1. Zetsu

AU: OK! So, I got this idea while I was writing An Akatsuki Tail and I thought it was to funny to just leave it in my head! So here is my second story, Akatsuki R' Us!  
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO, actually, I only own three pencils, a piece of paper and maybe a plushie or two.

The akatsuki was having a normal morning, or about as noraml as it can get. Itachi was cooking breakfast, most of the others waiting for it. Deidara was taking now his two-hour shower to "Get the beauty to shine though every strand of his hair". (and then he wonders why everyone thinks he's a girl?) Hidan was making a ritual, Kakuzu was counting his money, Madara and Sasori were on a mission and wouldn't be back for anouther week, and everything was quiet.

Until..............."AHHHH! TOBI NEEDS HELP!!!!!!!!" Tobi came running through the hallway and living room, ending up zooming through the kitchen. Just as Itachi was bringing the food, mind you a lot of food for 11 stomachs to feed, Tobi ran right into him. The trays flew up into the air and everyone was still. Then it came down. The poor weasel was covered in bacon, eggs, pancakes and various other foods from head to foot. The pancakes on the top of his head were starting to turn black from the heat radiating off of Itachi, glaring at Tobi.

Through gritted teeth, Itachi said "What do you want....." The dark aura around him starting to reach even the farthest borders of the house. "Umm, T-Tobi just-t want-ted to ask-k you wh-hat happened to Zetsu-san!" Tobi said, holding up a bundle of blankets. Slowly the aura backed down and everyone stared at the little bundle. Then it moved, and out popped a green mess of stuff.

Inside the bundle was the cutest version of Zetsu ever seen. He was about 2 or 3 feet tall with a mess of dark green hair on his head. His eyes were like little golden orbs, shining with curiousity and fear. Half of his body was still black, but the strange thing was that he didn't have his venus flytrap on his head. He looked like, with some make-up, he could pass off as a little human kid. Everyone crowded around mini-Zetsu. He looked at them and then ran and hid under Tobi's cloak.

"Aww! He's so cute as a little kid!" Konan exclaimed. "Umm, ya sure cute, just what I was thinking..." Kisame murmured. "Tobi doesn't know what to do! Tobi woke up this morning and there was Zetsu-san, a little kid in his bed!!!!!!" Tobi said with tears in his, er, eye-hole. "Great! What am I supposed to do with a kid spy, how did this even happen?!" Pein exclaimed. " I don't know, but maybe it has something to do with the pie we had last night, un." Deidara said walking onto the scene. Everyone pondered this for a moment then glared at Tobi, aka: the person who brought the pie home. "Ya, him, Madara and Sasori are the only ones who didn't have a piece of the pie to! The little shit must have done it!" Hidan exclaimed as he started towards Tobi, murder in his eyes. "Tobi didn't mean to! Tobi didn't know!"

"So, we are all gonna turn into kids to?!" Kisame said. "No, it's just temporary, but since most of us had a bite, the side effects should probably take place soon." Itachi said, finally done cleaning up the mess, and himself. "So, we just wait?" Kakuzu asked. "I guess so..." Konan finished turning to them. "Ok, we need clothes, food, and something to hold Zetsu when he takes a nap." Konan said to the others, and they all took off to find the items. When they returned, Konan took Zetsu to anouther room to dress and change him.

When she returned, everyone was looking at the pie recipe in the box. "Look what we found. A warning label, that can't be good." Kakauzu said to Konan. Pein started to read it out-loud. "Warning: This item contains a special potion that will cause some undesirable side effects. Side effects may include: coughing, sneezing, age difference, and digestion problems." he continued. "This is specifically made for people to see inside ones who don't want to reveal their past, childhood, or they just want to be noisy. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED." "......." everyone was silent, "So basically the pie we ate will reveal what happened to us that changed our lives at that specific age?" Kisame asked. "Hn." "Ok then.........." Pein stated. more time passed.

"UGH! You guys are ridiculous!" Konan said, picking up Zetsu. She carried him out into the living room where she put toys and games out for him. He stared at them for a minute then found a mouse to torture. Ske sweatdropped then went back into the kitchen to the boys. "That's it?" "Yup." "...........ok, un........." then they all went back to doing what they were doing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~6:00 P.M.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone was getting ready for dinner until they heard a shrill scream. Everyone litterally dropped what they were doing and rushed to the living room where Zetsu was. They found him still on the floor, little tears sliping out of his eyes. His venus flytrap was finally growing in and aparently it hurt more than it looks. It finally stopped growing and it was about as big as two palm leaves on his head. "So this is what it meant by 'revealing our Jashin damn past', it meant we have to relive it!" Hidan said with a yell. Oh yes, this will be a very long couple of days.

AU: I'm so sorry for it being really boring! Honestly, I can't really picture Zetsu as a little kid so it was kind of hard for me to write....... Also, if you have a request on who to write about next, please tell me! My only reasoning is that Itachi has to be one of the lasts ones, I'm pretty good at writing Itachi so I want to save the best for last! ^.^ 


	2. Kakuzu

AU: Sweet! I got my first comment on this story!!!!!!!!!! Thank you!!! Now, on to Kakuzu!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^.^ Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO, I don't even own pocky.

The next day was even weirder, after Zetsu turned back to normal, Kakuzu was a baby! Everyone was in the dining room, waiting for Itachi to finish breakfast. Hidan came walking in with baby-Kakuzu strapped to his leg, literally. Kakuzu had gotten up that morning and attached himself to Hidan's leg with his threads. When they walked in, already warning the Akatsuki of what happened thanks to Hidan's mouth, everyone sighed. Itachi started getting edible food for a baby to eat ready and Sasori got up to get the high chair they had found in the nearby dump.

"Would someone please (BEEPING) get this (BEEPING) little (BEEP) off my (BEEPING) leg?!" Hidan shouted. Konan got up and coaxed Kakuzu off of Hidan's leg and started holding him in her arms.  
Kakuzu had light brown skin with dark brown fluff for hair on his head. His stitched were like tiny scars all over his body and he had light green orbs for eyes. He was already wearing a little black shirt with a money symbol on it and dark blue pants. In his tiny little hand he held one ryo, which was in a death grip. Hidan started complaining on how he had a 'wonderful' moring, waking up to a little stitch face and a curious smile.

"I think I finally understand on how this jutsu is going around." Pein started. "Everytime it hits a member, the age they turn increases by one year or a couple of months. This is going to be hilarious to see all of you as kids." "What do you mean all of us? If you remember clearly Leader-sama, you and Konan ate a piece of the pie to." Sasori said with a smirk on his wooden features. "True, but unlike you guys, I am made out of paper and Pein is a seperate body." Konan explained. "I can turn into paper in an instant, so some food just doesn't get to my stomach, instead it turns into extra paper for my jutsu. And Pein has six different bodies, so whatever he eats just seperates equally to his other bodies." She finished.

"Oi! That's not fair! That means you guys get off easy while the rest of us get the bad end of the deal?!" Kisame said "(BEEPERS)" Hidan yelled. Kakuzu then held out the 'curse jar' to Hidan. "You have got to be (BEEPING) kidding me! Even as a (BEEPING) baby he still knows how to rip me off..." Hidan put three ryo into the jar and Kakuzu walked off happily to the living room to count his money.

"Breakfast is ready" "Finally! I'm starving!" Everyone yelled, then they all started to enjoy the meal. Hidan was about to take a bite out of his waffles until Kakuzu stole the plate out from right under him. "OI! GET BACK HERE WITH MY (BEEPING) WAFFLES!!!" Hidan yelled, getting his scythe. Kakuzu let out a yelp and took off with Hidan in tow. They ran all over the house until Pein tripped Hidan and Kakuzu, sending them into seperate corners. They pouted and glared at eachother almost all day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(6:00 P.M.)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kakuzu and Hidan were in the corners all day yelling insults to eachother, except for when Kakuzu needed to be changed and Hidan had to do his rituals. Let's just say they weren't really a 'happy' Zombie duo. Itachi had just layed out the dinner with the help of Deidara and Konan when they heard a scream. They dropped a couple of dishes as everyone ran into the living room. When they got there, they saw Hidan looking scared staring at Kakuzu who was curled up in a ball on the ground.

"I-I don't know w-what happened! One moment h-he was yelling at me th-then he screamed!" Hidan said, shaking. Kakuzu was whimpering and shaking. Konan ran over and turned Kakuzu over looking at him and let out a gasp. Kakuzu's other four masks were coming into his back, signaling that his four hearts came in. They backed away from him, not wanting to disturb the process. After a couple of minutes he finally settled down, lying on the ground. Konan cauciously went over to him and turned him over. He had fallen asleep.

"He's asleep, I'm going to go put him down now. Hopefully, he won't wake up in pain." Konan said and walked over to Hidan's and Kakuzu's room. Everyone went back to what they were doing shakily. Kisame and Deidara helped out Itachi and picked up the broken glass. "I hope the next person will be a little more calm" Deidara said, Kisame and Itachi shaking their heads in agreement. Boy were they wrong.

AU: I'm so sorry for not updating this sooner!!!!!! I've had a writer's block for both of my stories! If 


	3. Deidara

AU: Hello readers! I know that I haven't updated in a while, but I have a good reason! I just moved into a new house and my internet wasn't hooked up for a week and a half! T.T Anyways, I hope that you can find it in your hearts to forgive me! Now here's the story!  
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO!

The sun was shining and the birds were chirping by the Akatsuki base. Inside the base all was quiet and calm. Kisame and Konan were cleaning up the base, Kakuzu was counting his money, Pein, Madara, Tobi, and Zetsu were all in his office trying to sort out some more of Tobi's mishaps. Itachi was cooking breakfast, wearily. And so far, Sasori and Deidara were no where to be found.

"Has anyone noticed that the base is strangly quiet today?" Kisame asked. "Hn." "And that's a bad thing, why?" Konan asked. Just then..."HOLY CRAP!!!" Sasori screamed, running out into the kitchen, right into Itachi, again. Itachi had been carrying a bowl of noodels for a dish and when Sasori ran into him he started spinning around in circles, the noodels flying into the air. Kisame ran over and grabbed Itachi and the bowl before either of them hit the ground. "Grr...." Itachi and Kisame growled to Sasori, who was out of breath. He then tried to frantically shake the now baby Deidara off of his arm, not noticing the dark looks being thrown at him.

"Will someone PLEASE get this brat off of my arm!?" He yelled again, Konan went over and took Deidara off of Sasori's arm before the drama puppet could strangle him. Sasori then started inspecting his arm, mumbling about wood glue and sand paper. Deidara's visible eye started to water up and he suddenly broke out crying.

"I sowry dana!" He said between sobs. Konan started to gently rock Deidara, eventually calming him down. Sasori suddenly felt guilty about getting mad him. "Aw I'm, I'm sorry Deidara, it's nothing, really." Deidara looked up, his eyes gleaming with joy. "Sheesh, he's a drama queen when he's an adult AND when he's a baby." Kakuzu said walking in, Hidan following behind him. "Blondie's a (BEEPING) baby?! HA! HA! HA!-Ow!" Kakuzu had hit him over the head.

Deidara had on a small, red T-shirt that said "BANG!" on it with white shorts. His hair was in a tiny ponytail, styled into a very messy version of his original one. He had a small fluff of hair covering his left eye, his other one glowing a brilliant blue. His voice was a light and feathery variation of his regular voice, adding to his small stature.

"So now, we have a miny terrorist bomber? Joy." Kisame said with a smirk. Itachi had gone back to the kitchen to make edible food for everyone in the house now. Deidara was put into the highchair as everyone set down, a long explanation to Madara and Sasori about the pie, and some more smacks to the head courtesy of Hidan. Itachi handed out the food, ending at Deidara. As Itachi set down the small bowl of oatmeal in front of him, a devious smirk played onto his small face. As soon as Itachi sat down across the table from Deidara, it happened.

Deidara. Threw. The. Bowl. Right into Itachi's face. As it made contact, everyone gasped. No one, NO ONE wasted the food that Itachi made, or else there would be murder. All eyes turned to Itachi. The glob of oatmeal started to harden from the heat radiating from his head. It fell off and all everyone saw was the bright red of the Sharingan then a blue blur. Next thing they heard was Kisame shut a door, A LOT of yelling and shouting, then silence. After some long negotiating and retelling of 'he's just a kid', Itachi and Kisame walked out of the room. Kisame had a wary look on his face and Itachi had an emotionless face as always, a slight twitch in his right eye. They sat down and everyone slowly started eating. Everyone finished and Sasori got up to get the dishes. Deidara was put down onto the ground and he took off like a bullet towards one place. Itachi and Kisame's room. The said shinobi were currently on the oppposite side of the base, finishing their chores. Deidara got in and locked the door behind him, smirking.

His plan was to seriously mess with Itachi, starting with his room. He wouldn't touch Kisame's stuff, he was his buddy. So Deidara took all of Itachi's clothes and threw them into a garbage bag, for later torture. He took all of his weapons and put them into the bag along with Itachi's one picture of his little brother. Deidara then snuck out of the room and into the laundry room for step two. He threw the clothes into the washer, then dumped all of the bleach and starch in after it. Then he pushed the button to start it. He ran out of the room and out into the tool shed for step three. He took out all of Itachi's weapons and threw them into a tub of bright pink paint. He had some difficulty with the katana so decided to just dump the paint onto it. Deidara's time was running short so he bolted to the final step of his plan. He took out Itachi's picture of his brother, his only picture of his baby brother. Everyone knew it was one of his most prized possesions, just being able to see it was amazing. Deidara smirked. He took the picture and strapped it to a small bomb that had taken him all morning to make. He then put the bomb into his back pocket to keep safe. Time to start the torture.

"Hewy Itachwi!" Deidara called. The Uchiha and Kisame walked out into the room where Deidara was. Itachi took one look at him and knew something was wrong. Deidara just smirked and pointed to the laundry room, which was currently overflowing with bubbles. Their eyes widened and they rushed over to see a terrible sight. All of Itachi's clothes had shrunk. His shirts would now just barely cover his chest and his pants were turned into short shorts that would probably go up to his upper theighs. Itachi's eyes twitched and Kisame just stared. They turned back to Deidara who was still smileing holding up a bag. He droppped the bag, causing the contents to fall out onto the floor. All of Itachi's weapons were now a neon pink color, even his sleek, black katana was a choppy pink color. Itachi and Kisame's mouths dropped Itachi's eyes threatening to spill over with fury. Deidara then ran out into the courtyard with Itachi in close persuit. Deidara suddenly stopped holding out the bomb. By this time everyone was out and staring at Deidara and Itachi. Itachi's eyes widened to their fullest.

"You wouldn't." "I would." "Deidara, I don't care if you are a baby, you do this and you're dead." "yewah wright! Awrt is a BANG!" Deidara threw the bomb into the air and it exploded, causing an array of colors and burning pieces of paper. Everyone stood there in shock, looking at Itachi who was looking up into the air. Kisame was warily making his way over to his partner. "Itachi-" Itachi looked down at a piece of the picture, a blank look on his face. He went to pick it up, only to have it turn to dust in his hand. His hand suddenly turned into a fist. A sudden dark aura surrounded him, spreding so far that Orochimaru felt the chill in his hide out.

"Deidara..." His voice was heavy and laced with poison. Deidara started shaking all over. "WHY YOU LITTLE BRAT!" Itachi yelled, very out of character like. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU PUNY, INSIGNIFICANT, FEEBLE TERRORIST BOMBER! I SWEAR TO ANY GOD OUT THERE THAT YOU WILL RUE THIS DAY EVER SINCE IT POPPED INTO YOUR TINY BRAIN! I'LL STRANGLE THE AIR OUT OF YOU UNTIL YOUR FACE TURNS AS BLUE AS THE SKY! THEN I WILL TORTURE YOU TO THE ABSOLUTE GREATEST LENGTH OF MY ABILITY! YOU-YOU-ARG!!!!!!!!!!!" Itachi's face was as red as the currently spinning Sharingan, taking great breaths after his speech. Everyone including Deidara was standing there with their mouths hanging open and their eyes wide. The had never heard Itachi say more than at least a sentence at a time, and he had just finished saying the loudest and longest rant they have ver heard out of anyone other than Pein. Itachi caught his breath and took off after Deidara, fully prepared to strangle the blonde. Apparently Deidara had forgotten the fact that he killed his whole clan, even the kids as young as he currently was. Poor Deidara. Itachi grabbed Deidara by the scruff of his clothes when Deidara screamed. Itachi, being surprised, dropped him onto the ground. Deidara grasped his chest and started screaming at the top of his lungs. The Akatsuki were concerned and tried to run over and help but then he suddenly stopped. Sasori walked over and picked him up, looking at his chest to make sure he was alright. His fourth and final mouth had grown in onto his chest. Sasori craddled him until he fell asleep and took him inside. Itachi's rage would have to wait until tomorrow, when it would be someone else's turn. Deidara didn't know how lucky he was.

AU: Hope you liked it! Personally I think this is one of my longest chapters! BTW: Deidara hates Itachi because he was the one who forced him to join Akatsuki in the first place, and Deidara believes that Itachi's Sharingan looks down upon his style of art. Thank for reading! ^.^ 


	4. Hidan

AU: I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN A WHILE!!!!! I have had the biggest writer's block on the face of the earth! Seriously, every time I thought about this story, my mind went blank. But, thanks to my friend's motivation, (not mentioning her constant torture and wrath) I can finish writing this story!!!!! Now, onto the story!  
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO! if I did, this story would have a lot more akatsuki moments!

The next morning started out like a normal day for the Akatsuki's, except for one thing. There was no one in the kitchen and randomly bombs would go off, screams, and yelps sounded throughout the base. Kisame was setting the table for breakfast, Konan, Pein, and Madara were in Pein's office, Tobi and Zetsu were outside in the garden, and Kakuzu, Hidan and Sasori were quietly in their rooms. That only left...

"DEIDARA, GET YOUR (BEEP) BACK HERE!" Itachi was currently chasing the bomber throughout the house with his Sharingan spinning and a random baesball bat.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M SORRRRRRRYYYYYY, UN!!!!!!!" Deidara yelled back, running into the kitchen. Sasori and Kisame popped into the kitchen after them, watching the chase. As soon as Itachi found the knifes they stepped in. Kisame held onto Itachi and Sasori struggled with the squirming Deidara. They both calmed down and just settled for Itachi glaring at Deidara.

"You know Itachi, just get over it, un! I mean, it's not life-altering, is it, un?" Deidara said. Itachi glared at the bomber, opening his cloak up. Because he didn't have any other clothes than the shrunken ones, guess what. That's what he had to wear. His usually long capris were short shorts that went up to his mid theigh and his shirt barely even covered his chest. Deidara and Sasori barely kept themselves from laughing at the poor weasel, but couldn't help it. They bursted into a fit of laughter as Itachi started buttoning up his cloak again. Kisame was just staring at the whole scen with one thought in his mind.

'They're dead' Itachi glared at Deidara then took Samehada(1) off of Kisame's back, suddenly bolting towards Deidara again. Deidara let out a frightened "Meep!" and took off again from the murdering weasel. Kisame sighed and Sasori took off after the two. As soon as those three ran out of the room, Kakuzu came into the kitchen dragging a mini machonist by his trousers.

"Now, before this little pain in my (BEEP) get's any worse. Some one better get this little (BEEP) out of my (BEEPING) hair!" he yelled. Kisame weighed the options he had. 1. chase after the mass-murdering weasel who had his sword and experience in all-out-destruction or 2. take care of the pain-in-the-(BEEP) mini immortal. Guess which one he chose.

Kisame took off after Itachi (who was about to chop off Deidara's ponytail) and called back to Kakuzu, "Go ask Konan!". Kakuzu growled under his breath taking Hidan with him. He kicked in Pein's door and held his arm out, which was currently occupied by a white-haired thing bitting his arm. Konan rushed over and lifted Hidan off of his arm while the banker mumbled under his breath and walked out the door. Konan excused herself from the meeting and made her way to her's and Pein's room to get Hidan changed.

Hidan had light, baby smooth skin with white, shining hair. His eyes were a rosy pink color that just screamed 'run for your life!!!'. After Konan changed him, he wore a bright pink shirt that said "God's Pretty Little Girl". His pants, luckily, were a nice pair of small jeans. After Hidan blinked a couple of times he looked down at his shirt and paled. His head shot up and he flipped Konan the middle finger. "AWWW!!!!! Even when you're insulting me, YOU LOOK SO CUTE AS A LITTLE KID!!!!!" She locked him in a tight hug and carried him out into the kitchen.

Everyone was gathered around the kitchen table after Sasori and Kisame caught Itachi. Deidara was currently depressed because a good sized chunk of his ponytail was missing. On the other hand, Itachi was smirking an evil smirk at Deidara's misery. Kisame got his sword back and was enjoying the meal of sausage and eggs. Everyone else was talking among themselves until Konan came in with Hidan. It was quiet for a couple of minutes until...

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!" everyone burst out laughing at Hidan's shirt, making the Jashinist furious. "OI! Shut the (BEEP) up you (BEEPING) (BEEPER)! I (BEEPING) hate all of you (BEEPERS)!!!!!!!!" Hidan's little voice squeaked. He jumped out of Konan's arms and onto the floor picking up a knife. He cut off the t-shirt, leaving it in ribbons. Hidan smiled and hoped into his seat, settling down for breakfast.

After breakfast, everyone had gone off to do their own thing. Deidara had gone off with Sasori to try and fix his hair with Tobi tagging along to watch. Itachi and Kisame went off to train with Zetsu and Madara. Pein and Konan went to go over the teams next missions, leaving Kakuzu with the mini machonist. The banker swallowed a whole jar of headache killers and sat down to count his money while Hidan sat on his bed constantly asking him questions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(6:00 P.M.)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone was enjoying a nice, peaceful dinner. Mostly because Hidan was in the corner for throwing a doll at Deidara after he laughed at him. Dinner was going smoothly until a loud screeching noise came into the kitchen, making everyone jump. Kakuzu realized the sound before and jumped out of his seat to see what was wrong. As soon as he ran into the living room he gasped. The entire rrom was covered in blood and in the middle of it all was Hidan. His little body was shaking from the assalt it had gone through and hw much energy he had used. A bright light glowed and suddenly the curse circle on the ground lit up. The rest of the Akatsuki walked in and stared in awe as something seemed to appear before them. Before they knew it, the shining, silver rosary that was so familiar to them, lay in the middle of the circle.

Hidan was now immortal.

_  
AU: I AM SOOOOOO SORRY! I've probably let all of my reader's down and I'm sorry!!!!!!!!! To make it up to you all, I'll try to write the next chapter as sson as possible! Next up: Kisame!!!!!!! ^/.\^

(1) the only reason that Samehada didn't spike Itachi when he grabbed it was because Itachi is Kisame's partner. Since he has been around Kisame so much, the sword has naturally taken a liking to him. 


	5. Kisame

AU: Yay! Now it's time for my second favorite character!!!!!!!! KISAME!!!!!!!! I just wanted to tell you guys that no I'm not dead and YES I KNOW THAT I AM HORRIBLE AT UPDATING!!!!! T-T But now I bring you something fresh from the oven! ^/.\^ hope you enjoy!  
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO!!!!!!  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Pein woke up to a very peculiar morning. He had kissed Konan good morning and walked downstairs to get his daily cup of coffee when he saw a blur of black and blue. He thought he had just imagined something until he went over to the coffee maker and saw it again. He tried to reach for his cup when he saw it for a third time. This time he was just annoyed. He grabbed the black and blue thing by the neck of it's collar and lifted it up. Then he was shocked.

The thing was none other that Itachi, looking very pissed off at being stopped in his morning hassle and in his arms was a little blue baby. When Pein brought them a little closer he saw that it was Kisame-mini! Kisame was still his regular blue color, and still had his gills but he didn't have any teeth. He was dressed in one of Itachi's shrunken T-shirts and wore a tan pair of pants. He was entertaining himself by playing with Itachi's black hair which ws, surprisingly, down. Itachi on the other hand didn't look so cute. He actually looked like a stressed weasel, aka: not good.

Pein put Itachi down and said, "Ok, without asking how you know how to change a diaper, why are you rushing around? You almost never rush around for breakfast." Itachi gave him a glare and simply said "I have to rush around to get breakfast ready. It's kinda hard to do that when I have a miniature partner in my arms." Pein gave him a blank look and said "Then put him down. Sheesh, I thought you were a genious..." Itachi's vein popped, "What do you think was the first thing I thought to do??? He wouldn't stay on the ground without getting in my way or crying, he wouldn't stay with my kage-bushin, all he wants to do is play with my hair and stay here!" he said in a stressed tone. Kisame blew a bubble and laughed when it popped. " Ok! Ok! I'll just be leaving with my coffee then!" Pein said and hurried out of the room.

Once everyone got up, got breakfast and did a double take on Itachi and Kisame, it turned into a pretty normal day. Hian and Kakuzu went outside to do their yardwork, on the battleground(Suckers). Deidara and Sasori went into the living room to finish painting it a different color to make the base more 'artistic'. Tobi and Zetsu went into the garden to get the weeds out and get Zetsu a snack- I mean get the mail from the nice mailman, And Pein, Konan and Madara went into Pein's office to discuss battle plans. So all that was left was Itachi sitting on the couch with a book, oh! And a little shark playing with his hair.

Itachi sighed. What was his partner's facination with his hair? It wasn't special or anything, it was just black! He looked over at the little shark and he gave the weasel a cute, toothless smile. Itachi gave a small smirk, well, maybe it was just a little cute. Itachi turned to him and said "So, do you know your name?" Kisame looked at him and gave a confused looked. Itachi said, "Can you say, Ki-sa-me?" The little shark opened his mouth and said, "Ki.....Saaaaa....mee.....Kisa.....me.....Kis....a....me....Kisame!" Itachi smiled, "What about, It-a-chi?" Kisame smiled and said, "Ita-chi! EeTa! Itachi!" Itachi smiled, this brought back so many memories. The two spent the rest of the afternoon teaching Kisame names and shapes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(6:00 P.M.)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone was gathered around the table eating dinner while Kisame was in the little high-chair. He was happily eating his food, saying the name, then clapping about his accomplishment. He suddenly pointed to Hidan and said, "Hidan!" Hidan gave a small smile and said, "Good job! You little (BEEPER) now how about-" "Dumbass!" Kisame said with a toothless smile after he had been let down from his high chair. Everyone looked right at him and stared until they broke out laughing, yes, even Itachi.

Hidan looked at him in fury and said, "Alright (BEEPERS)! Who (BEEPING) is the (BEEPING) (BEEPER) who taught this (BEEPING) (BEEPER) his words today?!?!" Kisame clapped his hands and said, "Ita-chi!" Hidan snapped his head to the weasel and pounced after him, making Itachi run in the process. Kisame looked at Hidan with a face of fury and yelled, "HEY! No hurt Ita-chi!" and picked up his Samehada like he would when he was an adult. Hidan paled and started running, Kisame chasing after him, until Kisame let out a scream. He dropped Samehada and grabbed his mouth which had started bleeding. Itachi's eyes widened and the whole Akatsuki surrounded the little shark. He kept on screaming until the blood stopped and he fell asleep. Itachi walked over carefully and picked up the shark, opening up his mouth. Inside were rows of shiny, little, pointed teeth. Itachi picked up Kisame and put him on the couch with a blanket to rest, then went into the kitchen and started cleaning up the dishes from dinner. The Akastuki went and finished up what they had been doing beore dinner and wandered off. Itachi thought over in his head about the day. He had actually had a great time with the little shark, teaching, laughing and playing with him.

Just like he had done with his little brother.

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AU: Yay! Finally! I am almost done with this series! Guess who's the last one, ITACHI AS A BABY!!!!!!! So stay tuned!


	6. Itachi

AU: Yay! It's almost time for the final chapter! This is, BABY ITACHI!!!!! ^/.\^  
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO  
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It was a surprisingly nice morning in the Akatsuki base. Everyone woke up around sunrise and headed downstairs for breakfast. There was chatting as everyone sat down at the table. Deidara and Madara scolding Tobi, Sasori and Kakuzu fighting about prices of wood and such, and the normal grumbling of early stomachs. Everyone stopped to take one deep sniff. They expected the smells of fresh bacon, frying eggs, and maybe some sweet pancakes. But instead, they got the smell of the old, stale leftovers in the fridge. That's when they noticed that Itachi wasn't there. While they were wondering where the short weasel was, they heard a sound.

Walking down the stoney stairs of the base came the little form of the missing nin. Itachi-baby was rumbing his little right eye while walking towards the other ninja. He was wearing his regular, shrunken clothes. The shirt seemed to drop down to his little knees and the blue pants fit perfectly. His little, pale finger and toenails were still painted with the dark purple nail polish and his ring was barely staying on his right ring finger. His soft raven, black hair was tied into a little ponytail that hung, limply on his back. He stopped walking when he reached the kitchen entryway and stared back at the Akatsuki. It was quiet for a whole five seconds until-

"AWWW(UN)!!!!!!!!!!" Itachi looked at the Akatsuki with a surprised face, which only caused them to repeat their statement. Konan got up from the table and picked up the weasel, holding him by his arms. "Aw, Itachi! Now you really are the baby of the family!" A mini vein popped on Itachi's head and he gave Konan the 'what did you just call me?' look. Which, in turn, make her coddle him again. "You are just so CUTE as a baby!!!!!!" Itachi's eye started twitching at the comment and Kisame started laughing.

In his little, squeaky voice Itachi said, "I killed my clan, caused thousands of minds to shater and killed millions of people. I. Am. Not. Cute!" Everyone looked at him again and said, "AWWWW(un)!!!!!!!!!!!" Konan hugged Itachi one more time then put him down on the ground. Hidan began "Ok, the weasel is (BEEPING) cute and all." "I Am Not!" "But, who the Hell is gonna cook us (BEEPING) breakfast now?" The Akatsuki looked at eachother, then at Itachi who was staring back at them, then back at eachother.

Since no one knew how to cook except for Itachi, this was a serious problem. Kisame got up and looked into the fridge, peeking into the back. In the back was a small black container that looked like it was there for quite a while. He then picked it out and took out a frying pan. He turned on the stove and was about to dump the contents into the pan until Itachi's little voice rang out. "DON'T OPEN THAT!!!!!!!!!" everyone watched as the frantic weasel bolted and took the container from Kisame, ducktaping the lid shut. They stared at him as he put it back in the back of the fridge. He turned around, rubbed his eyes, and sighed then, noticing the strange looks, he explained. "That was when I used my Ameratsu to cook the stupid stuffing from last Thanksgiving." Everyone's eyes widened at the memory and decided to skip breakfast for that day.

Seeing that Itachi was Kisame's partner, he was designated to take care of him. By 'taking care of him' really it was him, Konan, Deidara and Tobi surrounding him, trying to 'teach' him stuff. Deidara and Kisame would start saying stuff like, "Can you say 'Ki-sa-me?" "Can you say ex-plo-sion?" "Can you say Art-is-a Bang?" While Konan was playing with his hair, putting it up in different styles and such. Finally, Tobi was trying to get Itachi to say the "Good Boy" pledge with him. Soon, everyone wanted to play with him and they started a tug-o-war game, with him as the rope.

Let's just say that Itachi felt it best to take a book and hideout in Pein's office until they got over playing with him. Pein and Madara were currently having a meeting about their next moves toward the capture of the five-tailed-beast and Itachi was lying on his stomach on the floor, his legs swinging in the air and ocassionally rubbing his eyes. They were right in the middle of a basic strategy when Itachi pulled on Pein's sleeve. Pein picked him up and put him on his lap, Itachi holding onto his book. "What's wrong, Itachi?" Pein asked. Itachi pointed to a word in his book and said, "Pein-sama, what's this word?" Pein looked at it and his eyes widened. He looked around at the other paragraphs to see exactly how hard this book was. His Rinnegan eyes widened even more at some of the other words. He couldn't even read this stuff!

"Umm, Madara! This is good mental-training! Tell Itachi what this word means." Pein slid Itachi off of his lap and Madara picked up his family member, putting him on his lap. Itachi pointed to the word and Madara looked at it, his eyes widening like Pein's. "Um, well, I guess.....maybe......ugh." Madara sighed, "Itachi, I don't know! Go look it up in a dictionary or something!" Itachi nodded his head and slid off of his lap, going over to the book shelf. Pein and Madara got back to their conversation as Itachi pulled out the biggest dictionary you would ever see. He placed it on the floor, looked up his word, rubbed his eyes alittle more, and went back to reading. _'Sheesh, I thought the older the wiser, guess I was wrong!_' Itachi thought to himself as he got back to his book.

* * *

Everyone experience brings knowledge. This term might apply here when the Akatsuki hid behind the flipped couch, covered with armor, and hidding behind Kisame's Samehada watching baby Itachi play with Tobi's little wodden toys. They waited. And waited. And waited. And waited some more. Soon, it was 6:30 and everyone's stomachs were starting to growl.

Usually that term only applies if something actually happens when that 'experience' is put to use. So the Akatsuki were baffled by the lack of action from the small weasel. Itachi stopped playing to rub both of his eyes again, then continued to 'play', which consisted of taking apart and repairing the toys. Everyone started to head into the kitchen when Kisame called, "Hey Itachi!" And that was the trigger.

Itachi turned his hed around and looked at them. Then they gasped. At first, it was a tiny red dot in the corner of his eye, trickling down so that it looked like a tear. Then it got more serious. Blood started to pour out of his eyes like never ending tears. Drip, drip, drip. His normal black eyes were glazed over in red, clouding the color. The Akatsuki started to pratically freak out, not from the sight of blood, oh no. But from who the blood was coming from. Most of them had never seen Itachi with more than a scratch on him. Itachi's eyes widened and his hands gripped the sides of his head, snapping his eyes close. Suddenly, an ear-piercing scream came out of his mouth, making everyone jump and pale. He kept on randomly screaming from the pain in his eyes, waves upon waves of pain crashing inot them.

Madara walked over to Itachi and tried to help him but Itachi's eyes snapped open and, scarred, he pushed away from him and took off running down the hall. The Akatsuki tried to run after him but one by one they gave up. Itachi was the fastest out of all of them in the organization, there was no chance in catching him. After an hour of muffled screams from inside the base, there was an eerie silence. With Konan leading, the Akatsuki went looking throughout the base to find Itachi. Trancing his chakra signature to the bathroom, the opened the door to see their comrade. Itachi was curled up in a little ball inside the bathtub, his eyes still slightly bleeding. Konan's eyes softened and she picked him up, cradling him.

She took her feather light finger and looked at his eyes. A fresh pair of Sharingan were poking out from under the pale eyelids. She winced at the blood on the little face and took out her medic bag. She took out some bandages and wrapped the poor weasel's eyes. She cradled him for a few more seconds and went off to put him to bed. The rest of the Akatsuki, after getting out of shock, slowly got ready for bed. Hopefully tomorrow wouldn't bring anymore surprises.

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AU: Phew! Hope that you enjoy the quick update! I just LOVED writing this chapter!


	7. Epilogue

AU: Wow, ok. I got some notes from some of my friends and some people on here so I'll explain again. This is only a short story and I didn't do all of the Akatsuki for it. The only ones I didn't do were Madara, Tobi, Sasori, Konan and Pein for various reasons. P.S. Madara and Tobi are the same person in the anime BUT this fanfiction makes them into two seperate brothers. If I didn't explain this then I'm sorry for the confusion. Hope you enjoy the last chapter!  
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO!!!  
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Golden rays were peeking through the window of the weasel and shark's room the next morning. Itachi stirred in his bed and turned over on his side, slowly opening his eyes. To complete black. He blinks a couple of times, shakes his head, then blinks again. Not seeing any change in sceneries, he starts freaking out. He whips his head around everywhere trying to see something, but fails. Kisame is woken up by the weasel's thrashing and slowly starts to register what was happening, blinking his eyes about to rub them until- THUMP!

Kisame whips his head around to his partner's bed to see him currently on the ground. In the midst of all of the thrashing, Itachi had rolled out of his bed. Kisame sighed then got up to help the poor weasel. Said weasel was still panicking and trying to figure out how he ended up blind in the first place. Kisame sat down next to Itachi and took off the bandages. Itachi stared for a couple of minutes then smacked his forehead with his hand. Kisame smiled.

"So Itachi-san, how are you feeling?" Even though he was just Kisame's partner, Kisame couldn't help haveing a protective nature over the kid. He was only 16. "Hn. Fine now, but I had a weird dream..." Itachi looked off like he was deep in thought. Kisame sweatdropped at his young partner's comment. "Ok.....Itachi are you sure you're alright?" Itachi gave him a blank stare and promptly smacked him over the head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At Orochimaru's base~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Around the base the cry of a baby could be heard. And an empty pie box was in the garbage can  
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AU: I hope you enjoyed the end of "Akatsuki R' Us!" Please have a great holiday season everyone!!!!!


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